What is Friendship?

I can see him out of the corner of my eye, walking from one table to another, and through the swinging doors. At times he seems frustrated, and then others he has a smile on his face. it seems taht his mood switches with every swing of the door. I don't understand his expressions, and wish taht I could. He seems to have changed, for the better or worse I am not sure, but I can tell you he is not who I remember. The man that I remember took time out to give everyone hugs, he expressed himself with laughter and not frustration. I am glad to hear that he is doing well and then again sad to hear that he has alot to do. I wish to be friends with him, but with every passing day I feel like a name and not as a friend. It tears me apart when he has no time to give me a friendly hello, but everyone else he seems to make the time and effort. I've known him for the longest of times and thought that our relationship would never die, but as time passed by it surely vanished. I wish that I knew what I did to make him act this way to me. Don't get me wrong he talks when I call and says hello with a gesture when I say his name, but I would think that there would be more. Maybe I am foolish, but I can't help that I have a heart that has been broken more than once. All I want is to be his friend, but if it means that I have to make all the effort then never mind. I know that he doesn't care and wish that he did. I miss my old friend. I miss his laughter, smiles, the horse play, and mostly his heart. If I could ever find another friend who means as much as he does then I will be happy once again. May God keep him safe, and wise in all of the decisions that he makes. Let him know that he is in my prayers and will always have a place in my heart. I only wish that he wasn't in my mind. I hate closing my eyes and seeing his face, turning around and veiwing his presence. It hurts so, but I have to live with it. I am trying to forget, I really am. Please believe me. I don't like feeling this way, maybe it would have been better if we had never met, then I wouldn't want this friendship so bad. I only wonder, What does friendship mean to him????? If I am only to be a name then let it be. Let him walk by without a hello and let him not even care, happiness is all that I care for. I promise to be a shadow and walk every direction but his, may he only know that I am a friend when trouble strikes, and if he ever needs a listening ear then I am willing (no strings attached). I made a promise that I will always be there, and promises are things that I try not to break. I promise not to annoy, bother, or even step in his way from this day forward. I need to let go completely, to let him finally have peace and no worries. May God grant me the strength to deal with all taht comkes my way.

I pray taht he blesses you in everyway possible. I pray that he sends you friends that will last a life time and a life of few problems. May he always keep you safe as you walk in his path. Thank you for the laughs, smiles, fights, and for showing me that I am beautiful in the eyes of the lord, I can finally look in the mirror and see Gods creation and the glory in the eyes as he fills my soul with his unconditional love.

September 8, 1997