I can see him out of the corner of my eye, walking from one table to another, and through the swinging doors. At times he seems frustrated, and then others he has a smile on his face. it seems taht his mood switches with every swing of the door. I don't understand his expressions, and wish taht I could. He seems to have changed, for the better or worse I am not sure, but I can tell you he is not who I remember. The man that I remember took time out to give everyone hugs, he expressed himself with laughter and not frustration. I am glad to hear that he is doing well and then again sad to hear that he has alot to do. I wish to be friends with him, but with every passing day I feel like a name and not as a friend. It tears me apart when he has no time to give me a friendly hello, but everyone else he seems to make the time and effort. I've known him for the longest of times and thought that our relationship would never die, but as time passed by it surely vanished. I wish that I knew what I did to make him act this way to me. Don't get me wrong he talks when I call and says hello with a gesture when I say his name, but I would think that there would be more. Maybe I am foolish, but I can't help that I have a heart that has been broken more than once. All I want is to be his friend, but if it means that I have to make all the effort then never mind. I know that he doesn't care and wish that he did. I miss my old friend. I miss his laughter, smiles, the horse play, and mostly his heart. If I could ever find another friend who means as much as he does then I will be happy once again. May God keep him safe, and wise in all of the decisions that he makes. Let him know that he is in my prayers and will always have a place in my heart. I only wish that he wasn't in my mind. I hate closing my eyes and seeing his face, turning around and veiwing his presence. It hurts so, but I have to live with it. I am trying to forget, I really am. Please believe me. I don't like feeling this way, maybe it would have been better if we had never met, then I wouldn't want this friendship so bad. I only wonder, What does friendship mean to him????? If I am only to be a name then let it be. Let him walk by without a hello and let him not even care, happiness is all that I care for. I promise to be a shadow and walk every direction but his, may he only know that I am a friend when trouble strikes, and if he ever needs a listening ear then I am willing (no strings attached). I made a promise that I will always be there, and promises are things that I try not to break. I promise not to annoy, bother, or even step in his way from this day forward. I need to let go completely, to let him finally have peace and no worries. May God grant me the strength to deal with all taht comkes my way.
I pray taht he blesses you in everyway possible. I pray that he sends you friends that will last a life time and a life of few problems. May he always keep you safe as you walk in his path. Thank you for the laughs, smiles, fights, and for showing me that I am beautiful in the eyes of the lord, I can finally look in the mirror and see Gods creation and the glory in the eyes as he fills my soul with his unconditional love.
September 8, 1997
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Splitting Personalities
Once, not long ago, there upon the Southeastern campus, within the Spence dorms, lived two beautiful, intriguing, lovely, smart, and unique yound ladies. With their heads held high, and God strongly withing their lives, they went throughtout their days bringing such joy and laughter to those in need. I can easily remember the day when I first met them together. I walked up to their door very slowly, and with an uneasy feeling burning within. I knocked silently, yet loud enough for them to hear, still feeling scared and full of uncertainties. Unsertainties on how their reactions would be to a stranger wanting to become friends, and to experience a new challenge with them. A challenge of a new environment, new faces, and a new atmosphere. To my surprise I discovered two outgoing, smiling faces, behind the mysterious closed doors. They allowed me to enter, showing me nothing but kindness and a chance to briefly share their worlds. Their words were soft, yet expressive, and their dispositions were neither stuck-up or unfriendly. My time grew short so I left their presence, hoping to return at a later date to experience more of their world.
Deep within my heart I would have believed that God created these two out of one. That they once had shared a life, a body, and most important a personality. However pondering upon his creation he soon came to terms that two of the same would bebetter then one. So just as a knife would split into an apple, the Lord split the woman. Instead of now looking upon a hardened outside, so shiney and pure, we noticed two halves both different in their own ways. Although differnet they still have the same fairness, and sweetness in which the world is waiting to experience.
The Lord split the two in order to allow the world to experience the sweet juices of joy, and laughter, that seem to be waiting to pour out those in need of its fresh anointing. He split up their lives, bodies, and especially their personalities to allow the world to discover a new treasure. I am sure that God had many reasons for doing so. Maybe for the reason of, he thought that the world cound't handle one of a kind, and that two would complete the job better. Or maybe for the reason that he believed that the world would be better if two splitting personalities shined upon it.
In my eyes God did a wonderful job creating these young ladies. He is not only allowing a chance for those in need to be helped, but a chance for his glory to shine through the eyes of those he has made in his own image. These two women are special not only in the eyes of the Lord, but in the eyes of their families, friends, and especially in the eyes of those they encounter to share the gospel of our Lord. All eyes upon them, yet they seem to have no worry in the world. They go about their days as normal as before living forever in the arms of the savior, helping to spread the love he wants to give to those in desperate need of a new life with him. I pray that they continue to do the work that God has for them, and that they will be a blessing to everyone around. Let his light shine through you every where you may go.
September 30, 1997
Deep within my heart I would have believed that God created these two out of one. That they once had shared a life, a body, and most important a personality. However pondering upon his creation he soon came to terms that two of the same would bebetter then one. So just as a knife would split into an apple, the Lord split the woman. Instead of now looking upon a hardened outside, so shiney and pure, we noticed two halves both different in their own ways. Although differnet they still have the same fairness, and sweetness in which the world is waiting to experience.
The Lord split the two in order to allow the world to experience the sweet juices of joy, and laughter, that seem to be waiting to pour out those in need of its fresh anointing. He split up their lives, bodies, and especially their personalities to allow the world to discover a new treasure. I am sure that God had many reasons for doing so. Maybe for the reason of, he thought that the world cound't handle one of a kind, and that two would complete the job better. Or maybe for the reason that he believed that the world would be better if two splitting personalities shined upon it.
In my eyes God did a wonderful job creating these young ladies. He is not only allowing a chance for those in need to be helped, but a chance for his glory to shine through the eyes of those he has made in his own image. These two women are special not only in the eyes of the Lord, but in the eyes of their families, friends, and especially in the eyes of those they encounter to share the gospel of our Lord. All eyes upon them, yet they seem to have no worry in the world. They go about their days as normal as before living forever in the arms of the savior, helping to spread the love he wants to give to those in desperate need of a new life with him. I pray that they continue to do the work that God has for them, and that they will be a blessing to everyone around. Let his light shine through you every where you may go.
September 30, 1997
Sunday, June 17, 2007
"In His Arms"
He comforts me in his arms,
When the tears begin to flow,
He holds me tight,
And never lets me go.
He is my heart and soul,
He is my every breath,
In my days of living,
And even in my time of death.
He is there to hold me close,
To squeeze me tight,
To offer me his love,
With all of his might.
He brings me peace,
He brings me love.
He touches my heart,
With the whitest glove.
He is always there,
In my pain and loss,
He is forever there,
Because of the cross.
So here I lay,
In the arms of my master,
Away from harm,
But not always disaster.
I am comforted,
In his arms a fold,
Forever in his presence,
For him to behold.
December 1, 1997
Saturday, June 16, 2007
"God's Love"
" Love is patient, love is kind. it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails" (1 Corinthians 13: 1-8).
If this is true, then why is there alot of depression, pain, and tradgedy in the world today? Why would a God of love bring so much suffering into our generation? Why would he allow us to be confronted by evil? Doesn't he have to power to stop the evil, doesn't he care about his people? Is God a true God of love if he allows there to be pain in our lives? Well the second fundamental states that God is the true God, the maker of heaven, and the redeemer of the human race. he provides us with not only peace and harmony, but with trial and tribulations as well.
Everything that happens in this worls happens for a reason. god doesn't allow his peope to go through the suffering unless there is a reason for it to happen in the first place. "Love somehow goes through suffering. Freedom goes with suffering. truth, wisdom, knowledge of reality, go with suffering. It seems that everything that has intrinsic value, everything that cannot be bought or negotiated or compromised or relativized or reduced, goes with suffering" (Revelation 21: 1-5). Suffering can play a major role in our lives, it provides us with spiritual cjanges and values.
When it comes to suffering there are five values that can bring some lightness to the hearts of those who needs it. First, suffering helps everlasing realities to break through the barriers. in our time of trouble God van jump in and allow us to see things in a better vision. He can lift away the fog and make a clear path for us to look upon.
Second, the word of God can be taken in a more personal context. the entire chaper of Isaiah 55 tells us that God invites those who have nothing in their hands, a broken heart, and a feeling of confusion towards him, encouraging all those with problems to seek the satisfaction that he is willing to provide for them. Pain comes and goes, but it is what you choose to do with that pain that determines whether you continue to suffer or start to rejoice.
Third, by faith suffering can lead you in the direction of Christ. In the early Church it was stated that, "If you identify with Christ through faith, then expect to suffer for it." The devil is very sneaky and wants nothing more than to destroy your testimony of Christ, he wants to take away your everyday joy, your strength, and especially your relationship with the Savior. Look what happened to Job. Job was a man of God who worshipped him always, even when he had all that he loved and owned destroyed and killed, he still went onto worship God and offer him endless praise.
Take your suffering and use it to witness to others. This fourth value for you to use your pain to help others in need. It gives you the knowledge and know how to tell those with problems that God is there to provide for them, and through this suffering they will only become stronger.
The last and most important value, make it clear that suffering offers you the chance to learn how to trust God. This value is not only the most important value, but is also the hardest to deal with. Edward Kuhlman once wrote about a christian carrying his cross and what happens when the cross is picked up. In so many words he tells us that once a man bends down to pick up his cross, it is then that he is no longer in control of his destiny. All interests vanish, leaving his mind containing one vision, the cross. With this action comes a question, a very crutial question, "Having taken up your cross are you willing to put your trust in that one person who controls your destiny?"
Pain, misery, and torment, the world is filled with these and many other problems leaving us to say, "Why God?" God does things for our benefit, he gives and then he takes back all that he provides, not because he doesn't love us, but because he wants to see us grow in his word and in a closer relationship with him. If God did not love us then why did he send his son upon this earth to die for our sins? (John 3:16). why did he watch as his son was beaten and then hung upon the cross? His son suffered more then we ever will in our lifetime, he gave up his life not because he had to but because he wanted to show us that he loved us enough to save us from a lifetime of sin.
December 1, 1997
If this is true, then why is there alot of depression, pain, and tradgedy in the world today? Why would a God of love bring so much suffering into our generation? Why would he allow us to be confronted by evil? Doesn't he have to power to stop the evil, doesn't he care about his people? Is God a true God of love if he allows there to be pain in our lives? Well the second fundamental states that God is the true God, the maker of heaven, and the redeemer of the human race. he provides us with not only peace and harmony, but with trial and tribulations as well.
Everything that happens in this worls happens for a reason. god doesn't allow his peope to go through the suffering unless there is a reason for it to happen in the first place. "Love somehow goes through suffering. Freedom goes with suffering. truth, wisdom, knowledge of reality, go with suffering. It seems that everything that has intrinsic value, everything that cannot be bought or negotiated or compromised or relativized or reduced, goes with suffering" (Revelation 21: 1-5). Suffering can play a major role in our lives, it provides us with spiritual cjanges and values.
When it comes to suffering there are five values that can bring some lightness to the hearts of those who needs it. First, suffering helps everlasing realities to break through the barriers. in our time of trouble God van jump in and allow us to see things in a better vision. He can lift away the fog and make a clear path for us to look upon.
Second, the word of God can be taken in a more personal context. the entire chaper of Isaiah 55 tells us that God invites those who have nothing in their hands, a broken heart, and a feeling of confusion towards him, encouraging all those with problems to seek the satisfaction that he is willing to provide for them. Pain comes and goes, but it is what you choose to do with that pain that determines whether you continue to suffer or start to rejoice.
Third, by faith suffering can lead you in the direction of Christ. In the early Church it was stated that, "If you identify with Christ through faith, then expect to suffer for it." The devil is very sneaky and wants nothing more than to destroy your testimony of Christ, he wants to take away your everyday joy, your strength, and especially your relationship with the Savior. Look what happened to Job. Job was a man of God who worshipped him always, even when he had all that he loved and owned destroyed and killed, he still went onto worship God and offer him endless praise.
Take your suffering and use it to witness to others. This fourth value for you to use your pain to help others in need. It gives you the knowledge and know how to tell those with problems that God is there to provide for them, and through this suffering they will only become stronger.
The last and most important value, make it clear that suffering offers you the chance to learn how to trust God. This value is not only the most important value, but is also the hardest to deal with. Edward Kuhlman once wrote about a christian carrying his cross and what happens when the cross is picked up. In so many words he tells us that once a man bends down to pick up his cross, it is then that he is no longer in control of his destiny. All interests vanish, leaving his mind containing one vision, the cross. With this action comes a question, a very crutial question, "Having taken up your cross are you willing to put your trust in that one person who controls your destiny?"
Pain, misery, and torment, the world is filled with these and many other problems leaving us to say, "Why God?" God does things for our benefit, he gives and then he takes back all that he provides, not because he doesn't love us, but because he wants to see us grow in his word and in a closer relationship with him. If God did not love us then why did he send his son upon this earth to die for our sins? (John 3:16). why did he watch as his son was beaten and then hung upon the cross? His son suffered more then we ever will in our lifetime, he gave up his life not because he had to but because he wanted to show us that he loved us enough to save us from a lifetime of sin.
December 1, 1997
"A Man Upon the Cross"
As the whip was brought down upon his body, no words escaped his mouth, there were no tears fallen from his eyes. The only drops that came from him were the drops of blood that fell from his open wounds. He seemed motionless as the last blow was applied to his backside.
While standing over this man, with the whip clutched tightly in his fist, the soldier wondered how this man could handle such agony and torcher. Why didn't he scream or even ask his so called father, God, for help. Even though these questions arose the answers couldn't have been made clearer, only if the soldier knew, only if he could realize that this man came here to die for us.
You may ask why, why did this man come here? Why did he suffer so much and take his place upon that cross to give up his own life? Why did he die for you and me?
Later a group of soldiers forced this man to wear a scarlet robe, as a crown of thorns was placed upon his head. The soldiers then began to mock him, as they knelt down and pretended to worship this so called "Kings of the Jews". When they were finished with their fun, the soldiers dressed the man back into his own attire and lead him off to Golgotha, "The Place of the Skull", carrying a cross over his shoulders. Many times the man fell upon his knees as the crosses weight was becoming to heavy to bare. The soldiers then placed the cross upon a farmers shoulders and made him carry it behind the battered man.
As he walked the streets, people stopped and stared. There were those who expressed hatred toward this man as they screamed at him and even spitted upon him. Others stood in disbelief and began to shed their own tears for this man. Tears of compassion and sympathy, but no matter what their feelings, no one knew this man's agony or the torment he went through. they didn't know his mission, his purpose, and most of all what they would gain.
Finally the destination was met and the man was placed down upon the cross. With every angry shout the soldiers hammer pounded the nails into this man's palms and feet. when he was positioned correctly and the nails set, the cross was risen between two theives. If it was not already enough to have a crowd of people hurling insults at you, try being placed in the middle of two others who have nothing but cruel words to say to you, or at least one of them did. the other simply spoke words of support for the suffering man, and in return only asked to be remembered when the time came.
Slowly the hours passed and finally this man's life came to an end, just as he said "It is finished", the last bit of breath escaped from his lips. All of a suddenthe clouds drifted in and the sky became black. Drops of rain then began to fall to the ground along with the blood from this man's body. As the water and blood mixed with the soil, it began to cleanse the world from its impurities. Suddenly the earth began to tremble, and the facial expression of the crowd behan to change, they became broken hearted over the terrible sight and went home. Still to this day you may ask why, why did this man come here, why did he suffer so much and take his place upon that cross? To give his life away for us, for our sins. Why did he die for you and me?
As you can see he did die for you and me, along with the people of all nations and color. This man had his life taken from him so that we all could gain ours back without the weight of sin.
While standing over this man, with the whip clutched tightly in his fist, the soldier wondered how this man could handle such agony and torcher. Why didn't he scream or even ask his so called father, God, for help. Even though these questions arose the answers couldn't have been made clearer, only if the soldier knew, only if he could realize that this man came here to die for us.
You may ask why, why did this man come here? Why did he suffer so much and take his place upon that cross to give up his own life? Why did he die for you and me?
Later a group of soldiers forced this man to wear a scarlet robe, as a crown of thorns was placed upon his head. The soldiers then began to mock him, as they knelt down and pretended to worship this so called "Kings of the Jews". When they were finished with their fun, the soldiers dressed the man back into his own attire and lead him off to Golgotha, "The Place of the Skull", carrying a cross over his shoulders. Many times the man fell upon his knees as the crosses weight was becoming to heavy to bare. The soldiers then placed the cross upon a farmers shoulders and made him carry it behind the battered man.
As he walked the streets, people stopped and stared. There were those who expressed hatred toward this man as they screamed at him and even spitted upon him. Others stood in disbelief and began to shed their own tears for this man. Tears of compassion and sympathy, but no matter what their feelings, no one knew this man's agony or the torment he went through. they didn't know his mission, his purpose, and most of all what they would gain.
Finally the destination was met and the man was placed down upon the cross. With every angry shout the soldiers hammer pounded the nails into this man's palms and feet. when he was positioned correctly and the nails set, the cross was risen between two theives. If it was not already enough to have a crowd of people hurling insults at you, try being placed in the middle of two others who have nothing but cruel words to say to you, or at least one of them did. the other simply spoke words of support for the suffering man, and in return only asked to be remembered when the time came.
Slowly the hours passed and finally this man's life came to an end, just as he said "It is finished", the last bit of breath escaped from his lips. All of a suddenthe clouds drifted in and the sky became black. Drops of rain then began to fall to the ground along with the blood from this man's body. As the water and blood mixed with the soil, it began to cleanse the world from its impurities. Suddenly the earth began to tremble, and the facial expression of the crowd behan to change, they became broken hearted over the terrible sight and went home. Still to this day you may ask why, why did this man come here, why did he suffer so much and take his place upon that cross? To give his life away for us, for our sins. Why did he die for you and me?
As you can see he did die for you and me, along with the people of all nations and color. This man had his life taken from him so that we all could gain ours back without the weight of sin.
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