If I could explain today it would come down to this. A headache that would not go away. A 14 month old daughter who wanted to chew/bite on my leg. A cat who I will probably never see again, and a mystery of who peed in the 5 yr olds bed. I have been trying to do things but either my body or mind will not let me. I am lost in a world of facebook because at least there I can accomplish things. I ask for help and I get a half ass response to it most of the time. I try to change things, to make it where everything has a place, but when I do that it does not stick. I make room, places for the items but they still end up on the floor. I get frustrated and end up saying this is why I do not do anything. I try to get dinner done on time but end up not making the deadline before my husband has to go to work. I feel bad that my house is the way it is but I am trying. I worked on my room for an hour and ended up throwing my back out. I find things broken and I get even downer than I was before. I can't buy what I need or want because I do not have the money. I can't pay for the chiropractor or for theapy right now and it hurts so bad because I am feeling like a failure. I want to be more involved but there are many things stopping me for doing what I want. I can make plans but they never stick. I guess it is just hard to work around school, appointments for seven people, people coming into my house, emergencies, and money. What do I do? Pray, scream, sell what I can to make it through the day, week, month. I am trying and people say it is ok but do they really mean it. Creditors are calling and we are getting bills that we thought were taking care of. I hate 2010, nothing good has really come from this year, or nothing I can remember. We are alive and healthy for the moment. We are together. All I can say it there is three plus months left to go and I pray 2011 will show us a silver lining.
