Fighting With the Kids

Every once and awhile it is time to put the kids in place. But then there are the moments when they fight back. Chris jumped into bed with the kids and did not expect the beating he would get.

Looks like he is winning, wait here comes Morgyn.And she tackles him.

Look out Tristan might bite.

Tackle.

Logan has a leg.

And she is flipped.

Tristan is down and out. A knee to the head.

Morgyn, on top and the victor.

Deck of Cards

Deck of CardsIt was quiet that day, the guns and the mortars, and land mines for some reason hadn't been heard.The young soldier knew it was Sunday, the holiest day of the week.As he was sitting there, he got out an old deck of cards and laid them out across his bunk.Just then an army sergeant came in and said, 'Why aren't you with the rest of the platoon?' The soldier replied, 'I thought I would stay behind and spend some time with the Lord'The sergeant said, 'Looks to me like you're going to play cards .'The soldier said, 'No, sir. You see, since we are not allowed to have Bibles or other spiritual books in this country,I've decided to talk to the Lord by studying this deck of cards.'The sergeant asked in disbelief, 'How will you do that?' 'You see the Ace, Sergeant? It reminds me that there is only one God.The Two represents the two parts of the Bible, Old and New TestamentsThe Three represents the Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost.The Four stands for the Four Gospels: Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.The Five is for the five virgins there were ten but only five of them were glorified.The Six is for the six days it took God to create the Heavens and Earth.The Seven is for the day God rested after making His Creation.The Eight is for the family of Noah and his wife, their three sons and their wives -- the eight peopl e God spared from the flood that destroyed the Earth.The Nine is for the lepers that Jesus cleansed of leprosy.. He cleansed ten, but nine never thanked Him.The Ten represents the Ten Commandments that God handed down to Moses on tablets made of stone.The Jack is a reminder of Satan, one of God's first angels, but he got kicked out of heaven for his sly and wicked ways and is now the joker of eternal hell.The Queen stands for the Virgin Mary.The King stands for Jesus, for he is the King of all kings.When I count the dots on all the cards, I come up with 365 total, one for every day of the year.There are a total of 52 cards in a deck; each is a week - 52 weeks in a year.The four suits represent the four seasons: Spring, Summer, Fall and Winter.Each suit has thirteen cards -- there are exactly thirteen weeks in a quarter . So when I want to talk to God and thank Him, I just pull o ut this old deck of cards and they remind me of all that I have to be thankful for.'The sergeant just stood there. After a minute, with tears in his eyes and pain in his heart, he said, 'Soldier, can I borrow that deck of cards?' Please let this be a reminder and take time to pray for all of our soldiers who are being sent away, putting their lives on the line fighting Prayer for the Military.Please keep the wheel rolling. It will only take a few seconds of your time, but it'll be worth it to read on....Lord, hold our troops in your loving hands.Protect them.Bless them and their families.I ask this in the name of Jesus, our Lord and Savior.Amen.When you receive this, please stop for a moment and say a prayer for our servicemen and women all around the world.There is nothing attached, but this can be very powerful.Of all the gifts you could give a Soldier, prayer is the very best one.Do not stop the wheel, please -- just send this on.

What???

Commentator Paul Harvey aired this prayer by Billy Graham on his radio program, 'The Rest of the Story,' He received a larger response to this program than any other he has ever aired. With the Lord's help, may this prayer sweep over our nation and wholeheartedly become our desire so that we again can be called " One Nation Under God "Please scroll down for the prayer.Heavenly Father, we come before you today to ask your forgiveness and to seek your direction and guidance. We know Your word says, 'Woe to those who call evil good,' but that is exactly what we have done. We have lost our spiritual equilibrium and reversed our values. We have exploited the poor and called it the lottery. We have rewarded laziness and called it welfare. We have killed our unborn and called it choice. We have shot abortionists and called it justifiable. We have neglected to discipline our children and called it building self esteem. We have abused power and called it politics.We have coveted our neighbor's possessions and called it ambition. We have polluted the air with profanity and pornography and called it freedom of expression. We have ridiculed the time-honored values of our forefathers and called it enlightenment. Search us, God, and know our hearts today. Cleanse us from every sin and set us free. Amen!

USS New York

USS New York
It was built with 24 tons of scrap steel from the World Trade Center .
It is the fifth in a new class of warship - designed for missions that include special operations against terrorists. It will carry a crew of 360 sailors and 700 combat-ready Marines to be delivered ashore by helicopters and assault craft.
Steel from the World Trade Center was melted down in a foundry in Amite , LA to cast the ship's bow section. When it was poured into the molds on Sept 9, 2003, 'those big rough steelworkers treated it with total reverence,' recalled Navy Capt. Kevin Wensing, who was there. 'It was a spiritual moment for everybody there.'
Junior Chavers, foundry operations manager, said that when the trade center steel first arrived, he touched it with his hand and 'the hair on my neck stood up. It had a big meaning to it for all of us. They knocked us down. They can't keep us down. We're going to be back.'
The ship's motto?
'Never Forget'
Please keep this going so everyone can see what we are made of in this country!

Cup of Tea

Cup of TeaOne day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me. I was maybe 2 1/2 years old and had just recovered from anaccident. Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a get-well gift andit was one of my favorite toys. Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news whenI brought Daddy a little cup of 'tea', which was just water. Afterseveral cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom camehome.My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him acup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!' My Mom waited, andsure enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy andshe watches him drink it up. Then she says, (as only a mother would know... :)'Did it ever occur to you that the only place that baby canreach to get water is the toilet?'

HillBilly Ten Commandments

Maybe this is the way to teach the 10 Commandments today! Maybe then people would 'get it' and it wouldn't be construed as 'religious Ed.
Hillbilly's Ten Commandments
Some people in the South have trouble with all those 'shalls' and 'shall nots' in the Ten Comandments. Folks just aren't used to Talking in those terms. So, some folks in the South got together and translated the 'King James' into ' Jackson County ' Language. No joke, read on...
The Hillbilly's Ten Commandments
(posted on the wall at Cross Trails Church in Gainesboro , TN. )
(1) Just one God (2) Honor yer Ma & Pa (3) No tellin' tales or gossipin ' (4) Git yourself to Sunday meetin' (5) Put nothin' before God (6) No foolin' around with another fellow's gal (7) No killin' (8) Watch yer mouth (9) Don' t take what ain't yers (10) Don't be hankerin' for yer buddy's stuff Now that's kinda plain an' simple, don't ya think? Y'all have a nice day.

Grocer

A man who owner a local grocery store was out delivering orders in his station wagon when he hit and injured a little, old lady. The lady sued and was awarded an amount large enough to drive the man out of business. After difficult times he managed to accumulate enough to try again. But a few months after opening his doors he struck an old gentleman with his delivery truck. The gentleman sued and collected big damages, enough to ruin the merchant yet again. On a peaceful Sunday the grocer was sitting in his living room when his little boy entered and called out, "Father, Father, Mother's been run over by a great big bus." The grocer's eyes filled with tears, and in a voice trembling with emotion he cried, "Thank the Lord, my luck's changed at last."

What Could Go Wrong

Just try reading this without laughing till you cry!!!Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this:
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol &Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....
WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing!I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. AWESOME!!!
Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right? There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong? So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!' What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...
I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, 'don't do it dipshit,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and .. . . HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE HELL!!! I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs...The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room. Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered
conservative? *(^%#@, THAT HURT LIKE HELL!!! )A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at thatpoint), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling. Apparently I shit myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair.
I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!! P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it! 'If you think Education is difficult, try being stupid.

Bathtub Joke

The Bathtub Test During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the Director how do youdetermine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.'Well,' said the Director, 'we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.''Oh, I understand,' I said. 'A normal person would use the bucket becauseit's bigger than the spoon or the teacup.' 'No.' said the Director, 'A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?'ARE YOU GOING TO PASS THIS ON, OR DO YOU WANT THE BED NEXT TO MINE ?

Huber's Orchard

Tristan took these pictures when his da-da took him and Logan to Huber's Orchard on Sunday. As I can tell from what they told me they had a blast. Looks like Chris and I would have to take them there, maybe to get a pumkin and some fresh apples, or something like that.

Trying to escape.

Now this one is sooooo cute.

This is cute as well. I wonder if it talks?Toss in a penny and make a wish.

Future Farmer of America.

Proud to be ME!!!!

A map of the Orchard. It is only fair that we start the pictures, logan took, of a map of the orchard.

I think that this is a good picture of Tristan.

Another Future Farmer of America.

A big beautiful tree. I love the over hang. Too bad there is no moss.

Okay now there was more to this picture, but I had to edit it. I do not think that you would like to have a piture of my ex-husbads back side.

A shot of the produce. This is neat. I wonder if they sell them there.

I guess they both were thinking the same thing.